Firefly Me Outta Here!
by ivegotproblams
Summary: Working on the title. Buffy meets Serenity's crew. Things happen. Read, comment, flame. Whatever. In Progress... MalBuffy RiverJayne ZoeWash SimonKaylee
1. It's Just A Job!

_Disclaimer: I don't own BTVS or Firefly. They are from the genius that is Joss Whedon. _

_Authors Note: This will be a Buffy/Mal, but also the amazing River/Jayne in the background, and the regular couples fic. Also, Anya, Tara, Wash never died. Inara's outta the picture. Book's still dead just 'cause I don't wanna write him in. And this is set after Serenity and Season 7, although the whole Season 7 with the potentials never happened. Buffy will be 22 and Mal 29. Jayne 32 and River 20. Any other questions, ask. And also… review people!_

**Chapter 1: It's Just A Job**

"Over here!"

Buffy closed her eyes shut and pinched the bridge of her nose before putting on a strained smile and turning around, looking over to where her sister and friends had already picked a table around the full club.

"Didn't think you'd make it tonight B."

Buffy shrugged noncommittally, before answering the brunette slayer, "Didn't know you'd be here F." Her gaze swept around the room, taking in any and all threats before returning to the people in front of her. "What are you doing here anyways Faith? Thought you'd gone to L.A. to be with your new boy-toy." She left her sentence at that, and the rest of the group felt the slight tension increase, as well as the grip Faith had on her beer.

Before Faith had a chance to retort though, Dawn broke in. "Buffy, did I tell you what happened at school yesterday? It was the funniest thing! Mr. Krogen, you remember him from parent/teacher night, right? Well he forgot his briefcase in the classroom and…" Dawn kept talking jovially, attempting to lighten the mood.

All the scoobies looked at the youngest Summers with confusion as to why she was cracking up on her stool.

"Uh, Nibblet, where was the joke?" Spike jabbed slightly as he slid up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "That lot didn't make a bit'a sense to me." He said as he slightly nipped and nuzzled her neck.

"As much as I enjoy seeing Dawnster getting eaten by a blood-sucking idiot that's old enough to be her great-great-great grandfather, I've got a job interview in the morning." At this, Anya looked up from her glass, suddenly interested in the conversation and her hands slipped tactlessly under the table.

Spike sneered at Xander, lifting up Dawn and sitting her on his lap. "Better an experienced male, than a bloody imbecile who can't keep it in his pants."

Ignoring Spike, Anya was all eyes and ears for Xander. "Does this mean we get to go home and have lots of orgasms before you go and make lots of money?" Xander's eyes widened at his wife's antics and her hands, before mouthing goodnight and dragging a waving Anya away for the night.

"Like I said. No self-control. Pissant."

Dawn hit Spike lightly on his shoulder, scolding him quietly for his remark while everyone else shook their heads before turning back to the table. Buffy looked up slightly from her drink to take in the people around her with a small amount of bitterness. Willow and Tara, going on almost 5 years now. Dawn and Spike, it's just… eww. She's her sister, and he's… well, him! Faith, well, she had Angel now in L.A., she thought with a slight sigh. Downing the rest of her drink, she let out a loud enough "Duty calls", to get through to the goo-goo eyed people sitting around her. Standing up, she waved a goodbye over her shoulder and made her way out.

Buffy rubbed her face with frustration as she walked down the alley outside the club. It wasn't their fault she wasn't happy. It wasn't their fault they found someone that made them happy. But damn it all! Did they have to act all … coupley all the time? She shuddered inwardly at this thought and the images it brought up.

"You said you were okay with me and Angel."

Stopping, she tilted her head a bit to the right before answering. "Who said I wasn't?"

Faith walked around to stand in front of Buffy with her hands crossed across her chest. "You did. Just now. Again."

Buffy put her hands on her hips, scoffing quietly. "I lost count. Tell me, how many times is this that you've been wrong now?"

Faith took a step closer to her. "C'mon B! Just admit it! You can't stand it! Even your 'lil sis is getting some and you're left out in the cold. Everyone has their hero and you're not needed anymore."

Buffy closed her eyes for a few seconds before opening them again, her expression tight and controlled. "I'm tired Faith. And I've still got patrol tonight. So," She sidestepped her. "If you don't mind, I've got a job to do."

Faith turned to watch her walk away, not going after her. "That's what you forget B. It's just a JOB!"

Buffy didn't stop walking, but said quietly to herself, "But it's all I have."


	2. Dino

_Author's Note: I'm so sorry! I'm really really bad at fight scenes, so forgive me. Please review yal. Makes me happy and want to write and stuff. Even if it's mean. 'Cause then it gives me a reason to write a response and such.  
_

**Chapter 2: Dino**

Sighing, Buffy threw her knife up in the air again and caught it. It'd been three hours since she left the club and there was no activity. Buffy rolled her eyes as she amended that thought. There'd been one newbie vamp that she dusted as soon as he had risen. She idly kicked her legs against the tombstone she was sitting on, as she absentmindedly rubbed her thumb across the blade. It was a slow night. Too slow for all the frustration and irritation that was built up inside her. She thought about going for a run but knew that wouldn't do anything except give her more energy. She tapped her chin with the blade thoughtfully. "Nah, what I really need is a low down dirty fight that lasts for hours on end." But even as she said it she knew the only person even capable of such a thing was Faith and she was one of the people that Buffy really didn't need to see, less an accident… or a homicide were to happen. One or the other, knowing the fights the two usually got into. She clenched her fists, feeling the familiar tingle of a demon nearby. She hopped off the gravestone with the grace of a dancer and gave a smirk towards the direction of where she felt her new punching bag was.

Almost as soon as she smirked, a horribly disfigured creature appeared before her, looking at her with a sickening leer. "Play time..." the monster grumbled.

Buffy was caught slightly caught off guard by the nonsense of his words and it unfortunately gave him the opportunity to land his first punch to her gut, making her drop her knife, and pitching her into the mausoleum behind her. With a groan, she got up and cleared her head of all her thoughts of the club, and concentrated on the current fight. With a low growl, Buffy launched herself at the demon. Throwing her foot out for a flying kick, she hit him in the side of the head. But despite having hit him, he seemed only slightly dazed. Seizing her tiny body, he twists her in half and throws her down against his knee. Wincing from the ground, Buffy feels at her three or four newly broken ribs. Thinking the battle close to the end, the monster leans over her to deal the final blow. Rearing up, Buffy grabs his tusks with her hands, pulling them away from his face, making him snarl in agony, and bringing her head up hard, breaking his nose, and giving her a splitting headache, before leaping up to her feet. "C'mon Dino, that all ya got?" Roaring loudly, he runs at her and bowls into her at full speed, landing on the ground with an "Umph" from Buffy.

Legs are kicking, fists are flying, blood is spraying and bones are breaking, but neither is slowing down. Graves all around are desecrated from the ongoing fight. Newly grown grass and freshly laid flowers lay flat and scattered from where the two have rolled, trodden and fallen.

Buffy was getting tired, not a good sign for out heroine. They'd been fighting for what seemed like hours and she'd lost too much blood. But then again, so had he, though he, least she thought it was a he, wasn't acting like it was bothering him. Buffy's moves were beginning to get sluggish and it seemed as though the creature's movements were fast as lightening.

She winced as he once again punched her in her jaw, and in Buffy-like retaliation, kicked him in his dino-bits, before doing a quick scan around the graveyard for the knife she'd been tossing earlier, before stupid idiot monster made her drop it when he punched her the first time. Seeing Dino, as she nick-named him, coming again, she gave a kick to his gut. Learning from earlier mistakes, he caught her foot before it hit and with a wrench of her ankle, and the simple sound of it cracking, Buffy knew she had yet another broken bone to deal with. But as she went to grab her foot back, he clutched even tighter to her ankle and swung her into the air, over his head and into the ground behind him.

Buffy was by now breathing heavily, but with the impact of the ground, she was lucky if she got any air at all with the gulps of air she was taking in. Her eyes were out of focus somewhat, but she forced them into focus as she saw something glinting in the moonlight to her right. The demon behind her grunted and began to ascend towards her again, but before he reached her, she rolled with somewhat difficulty and grabbed the knife before dashing towards the creature, full of adrenaline and knowing this was her last chance, and lodged the knife in his gut.

Buffy fell, as her broken ankle gave out on her, adrenaline rush now gone. Closing her eyes, she let her consciousness slip from her. Missing the demon pulling out the knife with a malevolent grin and a luminous blue light encompassing her.

_On Serenity_

"Wash, you gonna explain to me what's goin' on with my ship?"

Wash ignored the captain as he focused on the oncoming meteor shower that had appeared out of nowhere.

"ZOE!"

"Yes sir?"

Mal jumped as his first mate's voice appeared behind him. He turned toward her with a slight glare on his face, and pointed at his pilot. "Why ain't my pilot tellin' me none of what's goin' on on MY ship?"

A quiet voice coming from the co-pilots chair answered in Zoe's stead. "Because the objects are preparing for the delivery of the unknown."

Mal jumped again, as he heard another person he didn't know to be in the room. "'Lil witch, what have I told you 'bout sneakin' up on folks?" And as though what she said just registered he turned the chair around to look at her. "And what does that go se mean?"

River looked up at him with her innocent expression. "I did not sneak. I was already present when you arrived."

Mal sighed. "Fine 'lil one. What 'bout what it'is you said?"

River tilted her head and looked up at him with one of her strange knowing expressions. "Things in the 'verse are disturbed, they are attempting to right themselves."

Mal and Zoe both looked confused but forgot as they soon were on the floor and against the walls from a slight hit from a meteor.

"Sorry cap'n." Wash said automatically. "I've n'ver seen nothin' like this." He replied as he once again dodged a flaming space rock headed straight for the ship.

'BAM'

That being said, a loud string of curses was heard throughout the ship.

"Jayne's up." Mal's voice carried from his place against the wall.

"Yes sir. Don't sound like he's too shiny." Zoe replied absentmindedly, holding on to the wall and watching as her husband was successfully dodging most of the objects in view.

"Zoe, we'd best make sure everyone's strapped in. Don't need no accidents." He started walking out, Zoe trailing behind him, before he stopped at the doorway and looked back at his pilot. " And Wash, keep me updated. Don't want no surprises on my boat."

As soon as those words left his mouth, a blue light swept the whole room and filled it, blinding all those who were in it.


	3. Help or Airlock?

Author's Note: So thank you to my two wonderful reviewers and I hope this chapters okay. I can always use ideas and help and an editor would be amazing. So... enjoy!

******Chapter 3: Help or Airlock?**

As the intense light faded, the five crew members closed their eyes for a few seconds, clearing the spots that had appeared in their vision. When their eyesight was back to normal, they looked out, past Wash, and into the black, to see a now clear sky. They didn't have long to think about where the sea of meteors had gone, as a low painful moan escaped an overlooked bloody figure, unconscious in the fetal position on the floor.

They all looked at her for what seemed a long while before Zoe looked towards Mal. "Sir?"

Mal met her inquisitive gaze with a harsh stare. "Jen dao mei." Mal sighed as he looked at the crumpled figure. "I don't know who she is. Alliance maybe." Even as his words escaped his mouth, he knew it wasn't true. Even the amazing abilities of the great Alliance had limitations, and teleportation was one. But he also knew that neither his first mate, nor himself had seen a beating like this since the war and even then, it wasn't a woman that had sustained the injuries, nor were they this bad without being fatal. Mal shook his head slightly. Only a group of gou tsao de hundans would do this to a woman.

"Whoever she is, she needs a doctor. Right?" Wash looked around the cockpit as silence met his question. "Lambytoes?" Wash looked towards his wife with the compassion he felt towards the girl.

And with that look, Zoe softened slightly. Trust her husband to have a kind heart for someone he doesn't even know. "Sir…"

Mal ignored her and looked at River. "Whaddya say 'lil witch? Do we help her or give'r the airlock?"

"Her heart will cease its beating if we confer anymore. Simon is needed." River said without hesitation.

"Wash…"

"On it." Wash leaned to the intercom. "Simon. Med Bay. Emergency."

Mal bent and picked the bloody and still girl up in his arms, carrying her bridal style throughout the ship with Zoe and River trailing behind, with Wash setting the controls on autopilot.

They made it to the med bay in record time, Simon already there and prepping it for a patient. But as his gaze met the body held in the Captain's arms, he dropped the tools in his hands. "Wuo de ma…"

Mal set her gently on the sick bed. "Doc, time's kinda of the essence if ya don't mind?"

Simon stopped staring at his new patient and immediately set to shooing everyone out of the room so he could work.

Hours went by, and before he realized it, two days had come and gone with him locked away with the comatose patient. Simon worked and diagnosed the woman's ailments and injuries, but she had yet to wake, and he knew that if by a miracle, she did, she'd be in much pain. Most of the last two days, he'd stayed in to make sure she was responding to the medication and regimen. Sighing, he knew there was nothing else he could do, but before he left, he looked over his work once more before washing his hands and walking out of the med bay and into the brig. Sitting down with his head in his hands, he steadily ignored the searching looks the rest of the crew gave him.

Mal cleared his throat. "Well?"

Simon dropped his hands to the table and looked up to meet all the crew members' questioning faces. "It's bad."

Jayne scoffed loudly and Kaylee as well as River both turned to glare at him.

"I don't know if she'll make it through the night. Or tomorrow even. But I've honestly done all I can. The rest is up to if her body wants to respond to the treatment I've given her."

That got the attention of the glaring three crew back.

"Whaddya mean doc? What's wrong with her?"

Simon reached his hand up and tugged on his ear, nervously, as he began listing what he diagnosed and found during the first few hours he'd had her in the med bay. "Patient suffers from: coma, six broken ribs, left ankle broken, severe bruising, severe inner bleeding, busted lip, left shoulder dislocated, right elbow dislocated, two fingers broken, cracked vertebrae along the spine, left knee twisted, and a bruised eye." Simon shook his head and ran his hands through his hair. "It's honestly a miracle she's survived this long with the injuries she's sustained."

The table was silent as they took in Simon's diagnoses. Kaylee, tears in her eyes, went to him and he opened his arms toward her, letting her crawl into his lap and cry into his chest.

"Guess we shoulda just put her out the airlock, huh 'lil witch?"

Kaylee sobbed louder, Zoe's stare turned icy, Wash shook his head, Simon's eyes widened and Jayne just brought out a knife he called Maya and began to sharpen it.

"That was not appropriate for this conversation Captain. She will continue to deteriorate at the same pace as everyone else." River stated as she glared harder.

Mal held up his hands innocently. "What? She's gonna die anyways. No need prolon'in' the inevitable."

As Mal's words left his mouth, a loud steady 'BEEP' filled the room. Before anyone could say a word Simon was on his feet, running toward the infirmary and the rest of the crew, was right on his tail.

Simon didn't remember ever running as fast in his life, except for the time when he was helping River escape from the Academy. But when he got to the med bay, something was wrong. When the rest of the crew came upon when they caught up with him they saw Simon standing stock still in shock, gaping at what lay inside the doors. So, of course, the rest of them looked to see what was wrong.


	4. Here Clothes

_Author's Note: Yes I realize it's short. Sue me. But at least review before you do. Seriously! They make me feel special when ya do. And I promise promise promise! that the next chapter will have Buffy meet some of the crew. Mostly Mal and Simon, but still. It counts. _

**Chapter 4: Here Clothes...**

Buffy yawned, feeling herself beginning to wake up, so she snuggled deep into what she thought was her big down bed at her apartment. But as a sudden bolt of pain hit her, she grimaced at the throbbing consuming her senses, she reluctantly opened her blurry eyes. "This isn't my room." Buffy whispered to herself as she shot up, and in doing so, caused pain and dizziness to overcome her for a few minutes while she closed her eyes and took in the situation. 1. She was alone. 2. She was in a hospital room of some kind. 3. They totally took her clothes… bastards. 4. I really, really hate hospitals. 5. What's that smell? Sniffing the air around her she grimaced. 6. Oh… Damn it, I really need a shower. I'm really much of the bloodiness. Eww… 7. At least the bastards took care of me. 8. But why?

Opening her eyes again, she looked around the small room carefully, making sure she didn't miss anything. Looking down at her arms and chest, she saw dried blood, and tubes attached to them. "Eugh…you've gotta be kidding me! C'mon people! Slayer healing anyone? Not to even mention personal hygiene!" She shook her head, in annoyance, coughing as she used her dry and unused throat, before proceeding to rip the tubes and IV's out and carefully got off the bed, and going to the sink she spotted, she spit out a little bit of blood. Before standing and going in search of her clothes. "Ow. Damn. Stupid. Fucking. Demon." Flinching slightly with every step, every word and every breath was annoying and not for the first time, Buffy was thankful for the whole Slayer healing package. She knew without it, she'd probably be dead or worse, in a hospital for God only knows how long. She shuddered at the thought, "Thank God for small favors… Here clothes..." Buffy mumbled to herself as she went through the drawers and cabinets in the room.

Feeling the hair at the back of her neck start to tingle, setting off her spidey senses, she stopped and tried to catch a reflective surface in her sight. "Great all I need is to fight in the condition I'm in." She muttered to herself ironically. Finding a… Buffy tilted her head, what in the world is that? Nu-uh! No way would a creepy doctor keep one of those in here! Hmm… She shook her head inwardly, bad Buffy! You're supposed to be looking at the reflection, not looking at what kinda torture devices they have. She snorted inwardly at that thought before grabbing at a scalpel near a reflective surface. Turning slowly toward the door, she was met by the sight of seven oddly dressed strangers. Apprehensively, Buffy tilted her head as she slowly made her way back to the bed on which she woke up and sat herself down, showing she meant no harm. But not knowing the situation, she kept the scalpel hidden in her hand as she waited for them to come in.


	5. Essence

_Author's Note: If you get the reference of the name Mary in this chapter, I'll give you a big cookie! Or ya know… the second part of this chapter. XD _

**Chapter Five, Part One: Essence**

_Out in the Hallway_

After being shaken out of his stupor by the movement of the scantily clad and rather bloody woman in his small operating bay, Simon started for the door. He would have entered it, were it not for a hand grabbing him by the back of his shirt at the last moment. An awfully large and weathered hand belonging to a extremely bad-tempered and bulky merc.

"Don't think so doc."

Simon turned towards him, as much as he could with Jayne's hand fisted in his shirt, confused and angered. "Let me go, you-you… man-ape! I need to check on my patient!"

"Simon!" Kaylee exclaimed, "That ain't right to be callin' Jayne that! It's not his fault 'bout his sizen."

Simon immediately opened his mouth to apologize to Kaylee, but was stopped by Mal's tone. "Don't matter none now Kaylee, 'member doc's core. Everyone's below core bred peoples." Kaylee sniffed, tears in her eyes, turning away from the group and into an awaiting hug that Wash had for her while Mal continued on. "Now doc, we don't know none 'bout your" He made air quotation marks, "so called patient" Feeling the glares and ignoring them, he went on. "and seein' how's she's supposed to be six feet under 'courding to your 'xamnation..." Mal tilted his head slightly toward the room that held the girl in question. "Explanation'd be good right 'bout now."

"Her essence is convalescing at an expeditious velocity." River replied looking through the window at the woman in question, and having the woman look back at her in anxiety. "The residual effects of the damage will dissolve and minute to none disfigurement will be discernible on her skeletal covering. But her central part is shattered and has slight probability of recapturing its previous virtue and zeal."

"What're ya talkin' bout girl?" Jayne questioned, scratching his head with his free hand.

River looked at him with her famous 'you're a boob' look that she's given Simon so many times before "Hmph"-ing, and walking out, her bare feet silent on the metal grating of the walkway and her dress swishing behind her, like a ghost on her tail.

The rest of the crew watched her walk out, each trying to decipher what was meant by her newest perplexing phrase.

"Simon? Whatcha think River meant? 'Bout essence and disfigurr-something or 'nother?" Kaylee asked, looking over her shoulder from Wash's grasp on her, scrunching her eyes up in confusion at the words of the genius prodigy. She was used to River's long words and not being able to understand them, but after the Miranda wave, River's psyche was better at knowing when she needed to explain her words more.

But Simon didn't answer Kaylee's question, he just stood there in the mercenary's grip, looking like he was attempting to solve a grueling equation that was taken from the words of his baby sister and the baffling woman in the room which they were standing outside of.

Wash was looking between the crew and the conscious woman in the med bay before an alarm came on overhead, alerting him of an approaching ship and making him peck Kaylee on the forehead, before rushing out into the hallway and back up to the cockpit.

Zoe watched him go, worriedly, having been silently observing the scene before her and not used to her husband not cracking a joke, especially when it wasn't the right time. "Sir?"

Mal just waved her off, still waiting for Simon to respond to the unanswered question left by Kaylee, and Zoe left immediately, and followed her husband's footsteps.

"Jayne, le'go of the doc for he's goes into shock…" Mal thought about his wording and backed up. "… well, again."

Jayne reluctantly let go of Simon and grumbling under his breath he took off to his cabin thinking about cleaning and naming a gun he'd gotten last time they were out on a job.

"KAYLEE! Get in the engine room!" Zoe barked over the intercom.

As the command echoed throughout the room, Kaylee's eyes widened as she ran to the intercom to tell them she was on her way, before running to the engine room.

"Doc?" Mal questioned uncertain that the doc wasn't in his head again. But hearing Simon start murmuring things under his breath, he relaxed some, but tensed back up when he felt his ship jerk and fell slightly toward the wall and into the intercom. "Zoe, mind telling me what yal're doin' up there?" Mal questioned, his voice underlining the stress that he was beginning to feel.

"Everything's … OW!" Kaylee exclaimed, and then her voice was heard cursing in the background. And clanking and banging was picked up through the intercom, portraying the beginning of the falsehood that she was about to weave.

"Wash? Kaylee? Zoe? Someone better tell me what's going on up there!" Mal grit out through his teeth, keeping an eye on Simon and making sure the doors to the medical bay didn't open and let a wild crazy lunatic woman loose. Not that she was, but he wasn't taking any chances with the safety of his crew if he could help it. He looked down, starting to brood before he was thrown to the opposite wall. "Liou coe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze fuh ur-tze!" He glared at the intercom and walked toward it deliberately. "WASH!"

After a few seconds Zoe came on, "Sorry sir, he's busy redirecting us at the moment."

"Redirectin' us from what Zoe?" Mal said slowly.

"Alliance crusier… Sir."

"Tai-kong suo-yo duh shing-chiouh doh sai-jin wuh duh pee-goo!" He leant himself back against the wall to wait until Simon been brought back to the present situation. Sighing, he expanded his suspenders, tucking his thumbs in them, "I don't get paid 'nough for this."

**Translations:**

_Liou coe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze fuh ur-tze_ :

Son of a drooling whore and a monkey

_Tai-kong suo-yo duh shing-chiouh doh sai-jin wuh duh pee-goo_ :

Everything in space is stuffed up my ass


	6. Where?

_Author's Note: I'm really sorry for the lack of updates! I'm attempting to make the chapters longer or at least make them prettier. Hang in there; I've got a 23 month old to deal with and family in and out of the hospital. Not to mention the holidays. But I might be getting a surgery soon so that means lotsa rest and lotsa time for writing. ___

**Chapter Five, Part Two: Where?**

_In the Med Bay_

She'd found a pair of scrubs and had put them on almost as soon as she felt the room around her start to shake. In true Sunnydale fashion, Buffy grabbed onto something bolted to the ground and watched for any sign of another apocalypse. "I can't even begin to say how much I hate earthquakes." She muttered to herself, gripping the scalpel tightly in one of her hands while the other, wrapped itself around a bolted pole on the floor. "If Giles was here…" Her voice cut off, unable to finish that thought as pain gripped what was left of her heart. She could feel her heartbeat rising, as well as her fear. Buffy scoffed at herself and the way she was acting, it was absolutely ridiculous. Taking a deep breath and trying to remain steady, she made her way through the med bay to the bay doors, dodging different falling medical supplies on the way. Reaching the doors, she stood there for a minute trying to get her balance and sizing up the two men in the hall, before opening the med bay's doors and cocking her hip out and crossing her arms, in a show of annoyance, while also keeping the scalpel hidden in her hand. "Is this a private party or can anybody join?"

_Hallway_

Both heads shot up at the unexpected sound of Buffy's voice.

"Yo-wha-walk?" Simon sputtered as he looked towards Buffy's leaning form.

Buffy looked towards Simon with an eyebrow raised. "Yeah, ever since I was a kid." She rolled her eyes and made to move out of the doorway before Mal spoke up.

"Who are you?" Mal kept his eyes on her, his hand maintaining it's place on the hilt of his pistol, just in case.

Just as Buffy moved to open her mouth, Simon stepped in front of Mal. "You can't be seriously questioning her this soon after-"

Mal gently moved the doctor to the side, never breaking eye contact with the unknown passenger on his ship. "Bi zuie! I mean to doc, and I'm goin' to."

Hearing that the one that had his tongue twisted earlier was a doctor, Buffy snorted softly.

The ship jerked noticeably to the left, making all three lose their footing and fall. Making Simon fall against the wall, Mal fall to the floor of the hallway, and Buffy, tripping over Mal's feet, land uncomfortably tangled in his legs, her scalpel sliding out of her grip unnoticed by the other two. But she didn't notice as she felt her side give and pain erupt.

"Jen dao mei…" Mal sighed as he sat up, untangling himself and Buffy. "You okay doc?"

Simon grumbled under his breath, glaring at the captain.

"Take tha' as a yes." Mal looked at Buffy his hands still on her shoulders, in a firm grip. "You gonna tell us what you're doin' on my ship? Or what your bunch of gou tsao de Alliance is trailing us?"

Buffy's eyes turned cold as they narrowed and her arms pushed his hands off her shoulders as she stood up. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about! And for someone that kidnapped me, don't you think that maybe I'm the one that should be asking the goddamn questions?"

Simon gaped at her his mouth doing a fantastic goldfish impression. "…We…you… kidnapped?"

Buffy's pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to calm her temper. Just her luck to be taken by the world's stupidest criminals, or demons.

Mal as well looked confused. "We don' kidnap people."

Buffy put her hands on her hips, in the classic valley girl blonde pose, tired and knowing she was gonna pay for getting out of bed without having finished healing. "Then how do you propose I got here you dumb redneck?"

"You listen he'e Blondie. We. Didn'. Kidnap. You." With every word said, Mal stepped closer to Buffy until he was right in front of her. "You appea'ed outta nowhere."

Buffy's eyes narrowed and she went to open her mouth to retort, but when he grabbed her and pushed her against the wall of the hall, she shut her mouth and chose in turn to glare at him icily.

"Now I want answers and I want them now! Who the hell are ya, and what do you want with me and my crew?" Mal's fury was taking over him. How dare this little girl taint him with kidnapping charges! He ain't Alliance!

"Listen bub, I don't want anything from you, I just wanna go home." She squirmed a little, but as his grip tightened on her, she stilled and looked at his face with a small sigh. "Look, I could care less about you or your people. If you could just point me to Sunnydale or Cali, then I'll be outta your hair."

The wrath on Mal's face melted away to be replaced by confusion. "Where?"

**Chinese Translations**

-_Bi zuie_:

- Shut up

- _Gou tsao de_:

- Dog-humping

-_ Jen dao mei_:

- Just our luck


	7. Confrontation

_Authors Note: Thanks so much for the wonderful reviews darlings! I really appreciate them! And many many many thanks to my amazingly beautiful beta, AuroraRose12!!!_

**Chapter Seven: Confrontation **

Buffy slumped against the wall as she thought over what she was just told by Mal. How was it possible? All of earth… just gone. She rolled her eyes inwardly as she amended that thought. Okay, not gone, just, completely and utterly unlivable. Her mind was still trying to wrap around it all. Not to mention that she was on a space ship… in freaking SPACE! She shuddered and wrapped her arms around herself, she hated heights. Ever since… Buffy closed her eyes as she felt a lump grow in her throat. No, it wasn't good to think about that. Her thoughts swirled as she leaned back against the wall and kept her eyes towards the ceiling in contemplation of what Mal told her of her new surroundings.

Mal watched Buffy, as he'd learned was her name amazingly enough, honestly he thought Blondie was a better name, who would name their kid Buffy anyways? Her story or where she was from at least, was completely unbelievable. He crossed his legs in consideration, but then again, he lived on a spaceship and was on the run from a big evil corporation everyday, so who was he to decide what was believable or not?

Simon had left in a huff after he'd realized that Buffy was deliberately ignoring him which Mal had to chuckle at. Wash had soon after comm'd to tell him that he was sending out the crybaby and after that, they soon lost the Alliance ship that was chasing them. Kaylee was still in the engine room trying to fix something or nother that the chase had knocked loose, he wasn' really sure on that matter. Zoe was in charge 'til he figured out whether or not the little blonde in front of him was a danger or not, so she was prolly goading Jayne into something. And little Albatross, well, verse only knows where she's hiding now.

Buffy suddenly caught Mal's eye and tilted her head as though trying to figure something out.

"Can I help ya with somethin' darlin'?"

"You…" Buffy bit her bottom lip, trying to put her thoughts into words. "You remind me of someone I knew once."

That made Mal raise his eyebrows in surprise. "Can't help but wonder with the way you're takin' it, that that fact might not be the best thing in the 'verse."

Buffy stood, shrugging her shoulders, glancing back at him. "Could be, could not. Haven't made up my mind yet."

Mal nodded slightly in agreement as he made his way towards the guest rooms, Buffy in step beside him, albeit a bit less smoothly. 'Hmm… guess she ain't fully healed. Bet all that rockin' the ship was up to didn't help at all.'

"Uh, Mal?" Buffy stopped at the stairs, a question in her mind.

Mal stopped, as he realized she wasn't beside him anymore. "What?"

"Why haven't you killed me?" As Mal spun around to face her, slight anger on his face, she realized how wrong she'd put that. She growled slightly in annoyance at herself. "I just meant; you don't know me. You don't owe me anything. So…" Buffy left it at that as Mal walked towards her, running a hand through his hair.

"It's not in me to kill a person if they haven' done nothin' wrong." Mal looked into her eyes and Buffy was slightly shocked to see what was there, a void. A hard cold void. "Don't get me wrong. If you hurt my crew I'll shoot you dead and not look back."

Buffy nodded faintly, understanding for once where he was coming from. He was just like her. Just trying to get by and protect those closest to him, no matter what the cost.

With that over and done with he turned sharply away from her and started up the stairs, Buffy trailing behind him, her thoughts even more in confusion than before.


	8. Barring None

_Disclaimer: I don't own BTVS or Firefly. They are from the genius that is Joss Whedon._

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE!!: I'm sooo sorry I haven't updated! I have no excuse other than I just didn't feel like writing on this. I love you all and please leave me some kinda feedback on what yal want to see happen. **_

**Chapter Eight: Barring None**

With our Heroine

Buffy sat on the bed, leaning against the wall, that occupied the room that they'd put her in. Or to be more precise, locked her in. She couldn't find fault in the guy's logic, although she'd spent the last few hours trying. Here, she wasn't the one in charge... Here, she was the danger. And boy did that gnaw at her insides. If that demon hadn't gotten the better of her earlier, she'd be at her place, more than likely sleeping. She sighed, her life wasn't that lucky. Here she was in every sci-fi geek's wetdream, and she was being held prisoner. Ugh... not fair.

With the Crew

"It's not rig-" Kaylee started in, as she and Zoe argued the different points of their new guest's arrangement.

The crew had been gathered after the tidying up after the mess the Alliance and the storm had made to the ship, and they'd been disputing what to do with the small hurt girl upstairs. Needless to say, it wasn't going very well. Kaylee and Wash were all for letting her up and about the ship. Mal, Zoe and Jayne on the other hand were very, very against the idea.

It had withered down to Kaylee against Zoe, and Wash against Jayne. River for her part, was staying quiet and letting them talk it out. And Mal, he knew that regardless of what the arguments decided, it would be his final say so, it was his ship after all. It was their home and he had to make good and sure that no one was going to do anything to disrupt their semi-peaceful survival.

"You cannot yield your apprehension, yet you cannot declare her hazardous." At River's docile tones, the crew ceased their squabbles and looked at her. As soon as she saw that their attention had turned towards her, she went on. "She is my progenitor and I am her imitation." She turned her head to look at Simon as he opened his mouth to protest. "Safe as houses."

"Now, lil' witch..." Mal leaned his left elbow on the chair he sat upon, continuing on. "We can't be sure of that 'til we talk to her."

River cocked her head to the side. "You're a boob, Captain-Daddy." She turned from where the crew sat and glided towards the door to the stairs, planning on seeing their guest. "She will patch it... barring none.

The rest of the crew returned to their earlier sides, not hearing the ghost of her voice floating through the stairwells.

--

_KNOCK KNOCK_

Buffy straightened her posture, but neglected to get up to answer the door. Seriously, what did they expect her to do? Stare at them through the smallish type of window they have? Bid them a good day? Clenching her jaw, she tried to rid her head of those particular bitter thoughts. It wasn't their fault she was here. At least, not in a way that she'd figured out. So, closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and held it, seeming to have forgotten the earlier knock, because with a loud 'whoosh' of air, she opened her eyes, admittedly feeling a bit better.

She expected to have the empty beige walls greet her, had she mentioned how much she abhorred beige? No? Well, that's another story. What she didn't plan on was being almost nose to nose with a thin, dark-haired girl.

"Uh... Hi." was all that she said, and a small smile came upon the girl's face, which was still exceptionally close to Buffy's personal bubble. Moving slowly, whether to lessen the pain or because she was being cautious of the girl's intentions, she moved off the bed. "I'm Buffy..." she stopped, feeling stupid and absentmindedly pulled her lower lip into her mouth to become her own chew toy.

"I recall."

Knowing that she wasn't fully healed yet, Buffy truly hoped that this was not only a short visit, but a non-fighting one. "So, what's your deal?"

The small smile on the girl's face grew at those words. "My lifegiver's denomated myself, River."

As though through those few words the anxiety that radiated from Buffy, disappeared and she looked towards River slyly. "I'm betting you didn't use the door..." She didn't know why, but River felt familiar, and God only knew that she needed that right about now.


	9. Get Your Girls

_Disclaimer: I don't own BTVS or Firefly. They are from the genius that is Joss Whedon._

**Chapter Nine: Get Your Girls  
**

"Go hwong-twong! I ain't letting her out," Mal stated as he strode towards where he'd imprisoned Buffy hours ago. "I'm just gonna have a chat with her, dong ma?" Although, the words were presented in a question format, there was no chance of it in his tone.

Zoe stood behind him, her hand resting on her gun holster, ready to grab it should something go amiss.

Jayne trailed a bit behind them, having stopped off at his bunk for who knows what, and only had a knife on him, unbelieving that another peow-liang de shaojie could possibly injure him. He was still a bit sore that the moonbrain had gotten the best of him. Against his better judgement, which wasn't usually very available, he started to think back on the girl's fighting techniques. A glazed look appeared over his face, and as such, the forward motion of his heavy boots ceased, and a bit of drool escaped the confines of his mouth.

It wasn't until Zoe smacked him across the face with the butt of her gun that Jayne shook himself out of it. "Whaddya want?"

Mal scowled at him through narrowed eyes, and began to say something, but closed it and just shook his head, turning and hitting the code for the bunk. "Hey blondie, get your-" Peering down into the empty chamber, he frowned, leaning back up and looking at the door. He started to mutter different things under his breath, using his hands to accompany his utterances.

Zoe watched him with an eyebrow raised.

Seemingly coming to an end of his self-talk, he hit the side of the bunk's door frame with a closed fist.

"Sir?"

"What'd she do to get you in such a fit?" Jayne had a smirk on his face at the state of the captain. "What? There 'nother blue swirly thing?"

Mal's jaw clenched and he pivoted from his position, heading for the cockpit. "Zoe."

Without another word, Zoe sidled herself beside him, matching his steps and waiting for instruction. Her hand had already opened her holster and her gun was in hand.

"Get Kaylee to the engine room, stay with her." He glanced at her out his peripherals and watched her small nod before turning and heading back in the opposite direction. "Jayne."

"Ah, go-se! There is 'nother one." Jayne let a snarl escape for not getting his weapons earlier.

"Go get your girls."

The hard tone in Mal's voice, made Jayne move faster than normal, cursing the whole way for leaving his grenades.

Mal fumed his way up to the cockpit to check in with his pilot.

--

Clopping down to where his bunk was, Jayne aggressively punched in his code and as the door slid open, he was met with laughter.

--

"-and when I told him his hair was totally dated, he gets offended and starts going on and on about how he's gonna kill me!"She laughed lightly. "And I'm all like, what were you trying to kill me for before?" Buffy nudged River with her foot to alert the already knowing girl to their visitor.

"He is effortlessly disarmed. Presents fleeting hazard." River contributed to their conversation.

Buffy nodded, crossing her legs and leaning back on the bunk they were resting on.

Jayne's hand was on his lone weapon as he slid down the ladder to land on the floor of his bunk. "What're you doing here crazy?" He gruffly addressed River, as he sized up the girl who had escaped the confines of Serenity's guest bunks.

River floated up from the bed and over to where he stood. "She is displaying your girls to her orginator." Tilting her head, she touched the hand that his knife was in and put a slight pressure on it. "There is no imperilment from her."

Jayne gave a flimsy growl, letting the pressure on his hand make it descend slowly, but he neglected to put it away. Buffy was surrounded by his weapons, easy access in his mind. He wasn't going to let go of his only defense should it become needed.

Not shifting from her position, Buffy watched the proceedings quietly, before letting her two cents in. "I won't kill you if you don't give me a reason to."

Eying her, Jayne gave a gruff affirmation as he slid his knife into his boot. "Right then. Why ya'll in my bunk? Bet'er yet, how'd ya get in 'ere?"

Buffy stretched her arms above her head, cracking her kinks out, before settling them behind her head. "Seemed as good a place as any. Let me guess, yal figured out that I'd somehow left the small -- I don't want to say prison -- let's say room, and now everyone's on high alert?"

Jayne subconsciously scratched at his neck, looking up as he tried to think of another reason. "Nah... we're... uh..."Nah... we're... uh... Hey! Wait a gorram minute here! How'd ya'll get in 'ere?"

Buffy shrugged and pointed towards where River sat. "Totally not a biggie. I'd have done the same thing. Unfortunately, I'm not the one in charge this time."

"Unfortunately?" River questioned, as she sat back down next to her.

Buffy rolled her eyes, running her hand through her hair. "For me. I hate being the bad guy." At that phrase, her slumped figure, straightened and a smile beamed onto her face.

Taking his eyes from the newly cheerful blonde, Jayne looked over to River for an explanation.

"She has determined that she will not be an oppressor here."

The comm on the wall sputter and you could hear the captain's voice crackling through it. "--Jayne --"

"In my bunk." He stated, pushing the button to talk.

"--He --left --bunk --Wash! -- toe!"

"Got sidetracked ...or some other pigu like that."

"--girl --danger --find --"

"Gorram, ya'll need to install a new one of these, I can't hear you wortha pigu." Jayne snarled into the comm.

"--damn --Cobb --blondie --unknown --"

"Oh, right. She's, uh-- secure-ish." He stammered it out, not nervous as to the girl, but as to how to explain why he's got both the moonbrain and the blonde in his comm, the comm sputtered again.

"-- ta ma de --bunk --both --On --way. --Keep -- there. --" the comm sputtered it's last few words, before going quiet.

Turning from the wall and back to the girls, he looked at them and was slightly taken aback by the identical looks of innocence they wore. "Why do I gotta feelin' that yal got somethin' planned for them?" He narrowed his eyes, as though their innocent faces, seemed slightly demonic. "And I'mma guessin' that I'm a part of it, but ya'll don't want me'ta find out what it is... until the last possible second." Jayne gulped, beginning to feel anxious, and knew that when Mal came in, things were going to get worse.

"Jayne, you're sweating bullets. So not attractive..." And at River's nudge, she amended. "Well, to most girls."

"I ain't sweatin' no bullets." He defended weakly, grabbing his shirt, round the collar and lifting it up to clean off his face of any bullet sweating.

"We will not get the boy with a girl's name into any of our girl's with girl's names mischief." River relinquished the information, hoping to lessen his worry on Mal's temperament. Inwardly, she shook her head, you toss a guy out in the airlock for a few hours and now every time Mal even looks at him funny, Jayne hid himself in his bunk. A scowl settled on River's face at the thought of him being so frightened of losing his life on Serenity that he wasn't being, well, Jayne-like. That's not what she wanted. She looked over at Buffy and caught the small wink that was sent to her. What she wanted was for her to be the only one he ever was afraid of, and not because the she could kill him, but, well... she hadn't yet figured out what she wanted him to feel for her, and if she were honest, what she wanted him to feel about her. It was a rather big puzzle, with pieces being added every day, but the holes in between the different parts, was also a staggering amount. Doing a jigsaw, that's what she needs to think of it as, and it'll end up being absolutely no problem at all.

BANG

BANG

"Here come the calvary." Buffy sighed, getting up off the bed and rolling her shoulder.


End file.
